If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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