That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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