ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
