shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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