So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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