So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
