i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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