Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so that wasnt chicken after all
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
