You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
