Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
