I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
