i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
People in love make me want to vomit
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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