Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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