the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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