omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
