Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
