guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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