Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
