Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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