he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
