Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
