were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize