This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
