Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
