Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
