tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
