Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
