well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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