in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Houston, we have a squirter
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
