Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think I won the penis lottery.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
