Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
