lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
