Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
