she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
