That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
