Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
