at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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