she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
