I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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