dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
