Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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