I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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