where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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