so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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