My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
