i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
