Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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