so explain again why im purple
no
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
