I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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