Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sorry about my life...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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