Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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