i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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