I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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