it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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