ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
