I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
