Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He shit in the fireplace
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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