FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
