you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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