good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
