Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
