His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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