just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
