i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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