I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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