Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
