just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
