Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
