just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
