Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
